My favorite radio show is The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz. It’s an extremely well-produced show that features one of the greatest sports radio personalities of all-time in Stugotz, along with a supporting cast commonly referred to as the “Frightened Refugees in The Shipping Container,” and of course Le Batard himself, a journalist who parlayed that career into this one and is also one of the best interviewers out there today.
On the show they play “the looks like game,” in which people from sports and pop culture are mentioned in conjunction with what they (might) look like at first glance, but done in a way that’s almost always comedic. I was flabbergasted and for the sake of Coronavirus quarantining felt absurdly accomplished when one of my looks likes that I tweeted at the show in early April, was read on the air last week. Once again, out of boredom and a desire to stay sharp as a writer, and also in a much more trivial sense, I have decided to come up with a few more. And I must add, that I read all of these in my head to the tune of Jim Brockmire’s voice, a friend of the show.
Keith Richards looks like an angry vampire who had to settle for red Gatorade this morning, because 711 was all out of blood.
Sam Elliott looks like a retired bounty hunter who while drinking a Rusty Nail at his ranch in Idaho gets roped back into the game when he discovers that the perp from his next case has kidnapped two Dobermans, a baby, and two of his granddaughters before fleeing to Puerto Rico.
John Cena looks like the guy leaving your apartment at two in the afternoon when your girlfriend’s supposed to be at work.
Steve Phillips looks like “don’t let the suit fool ya kid. I always keep a flask of Old Grand-Dad strapped on my thigh.” And as he turns to walk away, stops and looks back to further add “and one in my desk.” Before winking at you on his out of the office.
Mike McCarthy looks like an Elvis impersonator ready to sit down on the toilet one final time after crushing that large post-performance plate of Texas BBQ on the walk from the stage to the bathroom.
MattyMouthsOff 